


Voltron But It's Good

by CuckooClockTopus



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crack, F/F, F/M, Gay, Gay Sex, M/M, Sad, Sad Ending, Voltron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-04 17:11:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20474627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CuckooClockTopus/pseuds/CuckooClockTopus
Summary: Voltron but it's good. Sophie and I happen to be high quality writers.THIS IS SATIRE LMAO





	1. Chapter 1

V*LTRON BUT GOOD XD

CHAPTER 1

BoyFromCuba was at the wheel, steering the wheel. He was so insecure, because he knew that he was a sad boy. (from Cuba) and that he could never drive it on his own. If only his hot bf Sasuke, were here with him. Meanwhile, Fat Joke was throwing up in the engine.

"We're nearing a dead end!" Pidge yelled to BoyFromCuba. BoyFromCuba said "Yeah I know, but I thread the needle, so it's okay."

Fat Joke has been projectile vomiting for 30 straight seconds while BoyFromCuba and Pidge are going absolutely sicko mode as the plane starts to crash. “MOTHERFUCKER!” yells Pidge as the plane fucking smashes into the ground. 

The three of them exited the simulator, face to face with OneEyedBlackGuyICan’tRememberTheNameOf. “Did you just fucking swear? ” He asked Pidge. “I’m so sorry,” sobbed BoyFromCuba. “I’m.. I’m just a boy from Cuba.”

“I couldn’t give less of a flying fuck where you’re from you little bitch. Go get deported.” OneEyedBlackGuyICan’tRememberTheNameOf said. “GET REKT LOSER” yelled Pidge. Meanwhile, Fat Joke just shit himself. 

TIME SKIP UWU

BoyFromCuba was sobbing in his dorm room because he’s a sad boy, (From Cuba) as Fat Joke came in. “want some tortillas.”  
“No you fat fuck.” Fat Joke proceeded to shovel the entire thing into his face.

Pidge, meanwhile, was jamming out to Mo Bamba on the roof. BoyFromCuba felt a deep Plance connection and went up there, even when Fat Joke said no. BoyFromCuba does not care for consent. 

“No one likes Mo Bamba you fucking whore” BoyFromCuba whispered into Pidge’s ear. Pidge proceeds to absolutely fucking wreck him. I’m talking 12” dildo up the ass wreck him. “Ow” said BoyFromCuba. “Listen up bitches there’s a robot.” All of a sudden, BoyFromCuba began to sob violently because he is a sad boy. (From Cuba)

“Whats wrong.” Fat Joke asked, whilst eating a donut. BoyFromCuba only sOBBed harder, literally eroding the rocks beneath him with his projectile tears because he’s a sad boy. (From Cuba) “It’s SASUKE!” wailed BoyFromCuba. 

“Who the fuck is sasuke.” Pidge asked as BoyFromCuba ran down the cliff. Fat Joke hesitantly followed them, making an “mm” sound after finishing his extra large pizza. 

An explosion comes from Sasuke. The edgy emo runs into the lab, beating the shit out of the lab workers. He sees Shirt, his gay brother with benefits. He stares lovingly at his face for 13 whole minutes before pausing to breathe. Suddenly, BoyFromCuba fucking shreds the skin off Sasuke’s face by aiming his tears at him because he’s a sad boy. (From Cuba) “What the fuck was that for you faggot.”

“I’m saving my masturbation materal.” BoyFromCuba said, wrapping his twink ass arms around Shirt.

“SHIRT IS MINE SLUT” said Sasuke, holding Shirt’s buffass arms tenderly in his Brotherly™ hands, feeling his veiny muscles.

“That’s fucking gay” Pidge said. 

Sasuke busts a nut. 

Fat Joke suddenly trips over a trash can, collapsing and sending them flying out of the lab from the sheer sonic wave his fat ass produced. 

Sasuke gets on his kickass motercycle. “Is this going to hold us all.” Fat Joke asked. “That’s funny coming from you.” said Sasuke

“You dont want me here.” BoyFromCuba said, crying because he’s a sad boy. (From Cuba)

“What no i” Sasuke started, staring into BoyFromCuba’s eyes. His heart skipped a beat. “Im gay.” he thought. Sasuke busts a second nut.

Meanwhile, Shirt is being absolutely fucking useless while Fat Joke carries him with his meaty arms. Guards were chasing them.

“Fatass, lean left.” said Sasuke. Fat Joke leaned left.

The Guards were gaining up on them. Sasuke pulled out a sweetass UNO reverse card. All of the guards immediately drive off the cliff.

“Fatass, lean right.” said Sasuke. Fat joke leaned right.

There was absolutely no reason to drive off the fucking cliff, but Sasuke did it anyway because he’s a rebel. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” everyone screamed. 

TIME TIME SKIP UWU

Sasuke takes them all to his murder house. “This is where i dismembered my father.” says Sasuke. “What” says everyone. “Nothing” says Sasuke. His edgy emo personality came rushing back. Sasuke was antisocial.

“This Mothman fanart sucks ass, you queer” says Pidge.

“Shut the fuck up tranny” says Sasuke.

Shirt wakes up, and everyone forgets how to breathe because of how ridiculously sexy he is.  
BoyFromCuba busts a nut. Sasuke beats him the fuck up. “My man, bitch.” said Sasuke, spitting on BoyFromCuba’s face. BoyFromCuba kicks Sasuke in the balls. 

TIME TIME TIME SKIP UWU

The entire team is in front of a cave. Pidge is being her nerdass self and looking for whatever the fuck they’re looking for. BoyFromCuba ruins everything by touching the wall. This triggers the events of the next 8 seasons and has widely been regarded as a shit decision.

The team falls through the floor. they all scream. Fat Joke throws up from the sheer force of hitting the ground. The puke lands on Pidge. “What the fuck you gross cunt” said Pidge.

“Ew” says BoyFromCuba. Suddenly, they all get buttfucked up the ass by a giant ass robot. “Bruh moment” says Sasuke.

BoyFromCuba farts in front of everyone like an absolute madlad. “Hey you stole my joke” Said Fat Joke.

Sasuke absolutely wrecks BoyFromCuba by saying “you suck at flying.” BoyFromCuba starts crying because he’s a sad boy. (From Cuba) 

They crash into Rebecca’s Domain. At the entrance is Milk, a princess. Beside her is Cheese. They come out of pods like fucking losers. Milk has crusty ass rats on her shoulder like a nasty ass rat fuck.

“Hey there princess (◕‿-)” says BoyFromCuba. Milk grabs his ear. “Fucking ugly ass nae nae baby.” Shirt makes the mistake of opening his fucking mouth. “Princess Milk. We have been sent here on a mission to discover the secret of… V O L T R O N .”

Milk makes an ugly ass face. “Lotus Flower is after them bitches.” Milk says. “Even Rebecca. Fucking slut.”

“We need to find the lesbia-” Cheese was interrupted. “BURRITO!” screamed Fat Joke. Milk slapped his dick until he had diarrhea. “Shut the fuck up. Ugly ass nae nae baby.”  
“You mean lions” Sasuke says.

“Sorry am no good at englshi” Cheese said

They go get lions

Shirt and Pidge have underage sexual tension. BoyFromCuba and Fat Joke are fucking dead. Sasuke dissociates for three hours because he isn’t allowed to leave.

They all get the lions and the black lion is released from the castle because he feels the sexual energy between each lion. 

The team makes the worst decision in their pathetic goddamn lives and becomes team voltron. Why does this show exist.


	2. CHAPTER 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fuck them galra bitches

CHAPTER 2 bruh pick up o insta im callin u

BoyFromCuba is moisturising while everyone else is going absolutely sicko mode in the LionLobby™ Milk bitch slaps him until he starts sobbing because he’s a sad boy. (From Cuba)

“WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU” Cheese says. BoyFromCuba sobs even more because he’s a sad boy. (From Cuba)

“We doing training exercises Saskay” shirt said 

“Speak english you fuck” says Sasuke.

“We’re gonna do training exercises.” Cheese said.”what about brekfast” Fat Joke said. Cheese gave the most snitchass look to Fat Joke and Fat Joke simultaneously faints, hitting his head and cracking open his skull. 

BoyFromCuba gets paired up with his hot bf Sasuke. He starts crying because he’s a sad boy. (From Cuba). Sasuke stares at him angrily until he shuts the fuck up. “I dont got time for this you fucking jew.”

“Who’s guiding me in this maze.” BoyFromCuba says.

“Take two steps forward you fucking whore”

“Fuck”

BoyFromCuba crashes into a wall because he’s a pathetic cunt that can’t do shit.

“WE’RE SWITCHING PLACES SLUT. RIGHT NOW.” BoyFromCuba said.

“I COULDN’T GIVE A RATS ASS FUCK. I SAID TWO STEPS FUCKING FORWARD. ARE YOU FUCKING BRAINDEAD? IS THAT WHAT YOU ARE? HOLY FUCK. YOU ARE SO FUCKING USELESS. YEAH, GO CRY YOU FUCKING THOT. GO SOB TO YOUR MOM. YOU’RE A FUCKING DUMBASS FUCK. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.” Sasuke said. 

BoyFromCuba literally fucking kills Sasuke by drowining him in his own tears because he’s a sad boy. (From Cuba).

Now Shirt, Pidge, Fat Joke, BoyFromCuba, and Sasuke were training against bots. Fat Joke is a fucking dumbass and dodges the bot’s laser. Pidge gets hit. She doesn’t deserve this fuckery. Fuck you, Fat Joke.

BoyFromCuba dodges another bullet. Sasuke gets hit. “WHAT THE FUCK.” Sasuke says. “IVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR FUCKING BULLSHIT” before Sasuke can decapitate BoyFromCuba, he falls down a hole like a loser. BoyFromCuba cries, his projectile tears sniping the bots from afar because he’s a sad boy. (From Cuba). This isn’t enough, though. BoyFromCuba gets hit. “Ow.” Shirt sexily dodges the snipers until Cheese gets tired of his shit and gets a bot to hit him in the dick. “MY DICK FELL OFF” says Shirt. Milk drags them all by the balls into the dining room. 

“Ok time to reveal your deepest secrets.” Cheese said. “Fuck outta here with that pussy ass gay shit.” says Pidge.

They all sit in a circle. “Is this some fucking cult shit.” Pidge says. Pidge breaks their toy and everyone goes absolutely Sicko Mode.

“F Ö Ö D” Guess who fucking said that. Guess. Milk chains them all to the table. “Kinky” said Pidge. Sasuke busts a third nut.

“Alright hoes listen up. You all have to feed each other because i have a baby kink- I mean because it’ll strengthen your bond or something”

“Your kink is fucking lame” Sasuke said. That’s kink shaming, Sasuke. Milk shoves her fist up his ass. Sasuke busts a fourth nut.

“You are all fucking insane.” Pidge said. She threw goo at Milk with her spoon, like the fucking badass she is. Pidge is the best character in V*ltron. 

“What. The fuck.” Milk says. Pidge sexily smirks. 

“REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE” said Cheese. 

They all get into a food fight. Fat Joke is eating the goo. After all of this is done, BoyFromCuba turns to Sasuke. “*nuzzles you owo*” he says. Sasuke busts a fifth nut. 

“Don’t kink shame if you’re a furry yourself, slut.” Pidge said to Sasuke. Sasuke growls at her, baring his fangs. 

“Thats a turn off.” Shirt says. “We’re breaking up.”

Sasuke starts to cry. “HAH.” BoyFromCuba said. “YEAH, GO CRY. SLUT.”

Sasuke turned to BoyFromCuba. “SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU USELESS PIECE OF SHIT.” he said. “I have the weirdest boner right now.” said Shirt.

“You bonded as a team!” Milk said.

“Gay.” Pidge says. 

BoyFromCuba turned to Pidge, fuming. “I’ve have enough of your games, tranny. I’m not gay. I always say no homo.” 

“NO HOMO DONT MEAN SHIT, FAGGOT” Pidge said


	3. CHAPTER 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fuck them arusians

CHAPTER THWEE OWOWO

The paladins are doing fuck all until they hear someone banging on their door. “What. the fuck. Is up.” Said Sasuke. 

“¡Hola! ¿Cómo estás?” BoyFromCuba said. “What” says everyone. “Sorry, hi, what’s up? It’s hard to switch back sometimes.” 

“Shut up mexican” Sasuke said. BoyFromCuba sobbed. “I’m, i’m just a boy from Cuba.” 

“Go back to Puerto Rico whore” Sasuke said. “B-but, I’m just a boy from Cuba” BoyFromCuba said.

“Same fucking difference, Columbian” Sasuke says 

“I hear something outside the castle.” Fat Joke said.  
“Shut up fatass.” Everyone said at once. 

They all go outside. A tinyass midget emerges from the bushes. “Oh look, someone shorter than you.” BoyFromCuba said to Pidge. Pidge kicks him in the ballsack. “Ow” says BoyFromCuba.

“What the fuck do you want you ugly ass motherfucking goblin troll lookin ass.” Said Sasuke.  
The Arusian screeches for 83 minutes before pausing to breathe. “Hell naw none o’ that freaky shit in my house.” Says Pidge. She kicks the Arusian right in his little Arusian dick. “Nice.” says Sasuke. They high-five. Milk makes a gross ass face. “Lets leave these little fuckers.” “No” says the Arusian. “We need help.” “Too bad, ugly ass nae nae baby.” says Milk.

Then, the Galra come. The planet is fucking demolished and the Paladins leave in their stupidass castle ship for the Arusians to die. The fucking end.


	4. CHAPTER 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> snitches get stitches

CHAPTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR 4

Pidge and Shirt are sitting. “Katie.” Shirt says. “Snitches get stitches, Shirt.” says Pidge.

Everyone is eating dinner. “Guys I have something to say.” said Pidge. “I know you borrow my dildo on weekends.” says BoyFromCuba. “No ugly ass faggot. I have a vagina.”

“Woah, reverse trap” says everyone.

TIME TIME TIME TIME SKIP *NUZZLES YOU OWO*

“This vacation sucks ass I’m leaving.” says Pidge. “Fucking finally.” says everyone. “What” says Pidge. “Nothing” says everyone. “Don’t leave Pidge” said Sasuke. “Saskay do not be boring ass bitch.” says Shirt. 

“Who’s gonna be my side hoe if you leave” BoyFromCuba says. “Oh shit you right.” says Pidge. “There ain't no dick in space” Milk sighs dramatically for seventeen hours. “UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH- Don’t leave Pidge. We all love you.” Pidge raises one eyebrow. “Dont play with me, fuckin gross as rat bitch.” Then she goes back to her room. “Yay, we can keep her.” says Sasuke. “Kinky” says Shirt.

Suddenly the castle goes absolutely fucking sicko mode and kills BoyFromCuba. Oh well. He sucked anyways. “NO! BOYFROMCUBA!” said Shirt. Everybody’s collective brain cell dies so that Pidge has to save the day. She does a backflip so awesome that all of the Galra who broke in drop dead. “Oh yay, fertilizer,” says everyone.


End file.
